White | The Cost of His Desire

[healingbonds]

MahoYaku Masterpost & Translator's Notes
We recommend reading Snow's story before White's, as they work in conjunction!

CHAPTER 1

Akira: I’ll take notes on all the wizards so they can have an easy time living their lives no matter when I go back to my world.
What they’re good at, what they’re bad at, what they want to do....

Snow & White: Yay yay!

Akira: Snow, White... What are you doing in the courtyard?

White: Oh, Sage. We’re getting ready for our garden party tonight.

Snow: Murr was excited because there’s going to be a full moon. It’s sure to be bright outside, so we’re having a tea party under the stars!

Akira: That sounds fun! What will you do with these candles?

White: We’re going to use them to decorate the sides of the road! The Southern brothers and Riquet and Chloe helped us make them.
And the Eastern wizards are going to help Nero cook us a feast!

Akira: Faust too? I can see Nero agreeing to it, but not the others.

White: Even if they don’t want to~.

Snow: They can’t say no to us~.

Akira: True. Everyone listens to orders from you two. Even....


Option: Mithra....

White: Mithra usually kicks up a fuss, but! If we bait him with mana stones or rare bones for curses, he’ll usually listen to us!
The other option is to spin round and round him till he gets tired.

Akira: (I can imagine Mithra agreeing to help out of sheer irritation....)


Option: Owen....

White: Owen is very prideful, you see! So we take advantage of that and taunt him into doing what we want him to do!

Akira: Can you give me an example?

White: Huh....? Owen, dear, are you afraid? Are you bad at this? Oh, all right. Don’t worry about it!

Akira: (Yeah, that’d probably get Owen mad.....)


Option: Bradley....

White: Bradley is simple-minded, after all! If we bait him with food or endless praise, he’ll come around soon enough!
Plus, he’s a prisoner, so he can’t defy us!

Akira: (Bradley did say he has a soft spot for the elderly, too....)


White: Now all that’s left is to wait for the sun to set! Suddenly I have nothing to do.

Snow: Sage, are you going around asking wizards questions so you can take notes in your sage’s manual?


CHAPTER 2

Akira: Yes. I already interviewed Snow.

White: Then it’s my turn next! Sage, let’s go to our room. Snow, you stay here.

Snow: Why? Can’t I go with you?

White: There are certain questions that’ll be difficult to answer if you’re around.

Snow: I can basically predict how it’ll all go....

White: Even if you can, it’ll still bother me if you’re around. Now, let’s go, Sage.

Akira: A-are you sure?

White: Ohoho. It’s fine, it’s fine. I get the Sage all to myself!

✦✧☾✧✦

Akira: Thanks for having me.... White, you and Snow share a room, right?

White: We’re twins, after all. We’ve always spent our time in the same room in the same home.


Option: That’s a lovely scale.

White: Isn’t it, isn’t it? I use it to measure things like biscuits and canelés so that Snow and I can each eat the exact same amount.

Akira: Huh, that’s amazing!

White: We love to match, after all!


Option: There are so many books.

White: I don’t really read many books, but I do enjoy interesting spellbooks.

Akira: Interesting spellbooks?

White: The sort that transport you into the world of books, or where the author’s soul takes over your body.

Akira: Huh!? Books can do that!?

White: That’s right, that’s right. Those with feeble magic shouldn’t go about opening spellbooks left and right.


Akira: But it’s amazing how you’ve shared a room for all these years. You two must really get along. Do you ever fight?

White: Oh, we sure do. We had a fight for the ages once.

Akira: Over what..... .....Ah.....

White: That reaction.... I see that Snow has told you about the time I died.

Akira: Yes.....

White: Ohoho. I’m sure he must’ve looked awkward. Well, it’s fine. It’s done and over.
Now then, Sage. I’ll take your questions.


CHAPTER 3

Akira: Thank you. Um, I heard you were born in Northern Country, and that you lived a couple thousand years, so....
What do you like?

White: I like nighttime, children, and jokes. I also like you. Because you remind me of nighttime, children, and jokes.

Akira: I-is that so?

White: Indeed, indeed. Snow said the same thing.

Akira: What do you dislike, and what are you bad at? I want to make sure I don’t make you do what you don’t want to do....

White: That would be wonderful. We dislike being separated by death.
I’m bad with bitter foods. I’d like to avoid coffee, bitter tea, and medicine if possible.

Akira: What about alcohol?

White: I can drink sweet wine. But I get sleepy very easily.

Akira: Cute! That’s surprising!

White: Many wizards love drinking, after all. There’s Shylock, but also Murr, Figaro, and Faust.
The Northern wizards all drink, as do Rustica and Nero. According to Leno, Rutile is a heavy drinker as well.

Akira: It would be fun if we all got together to drink! Though it might be difficult with all the young wizards around.....

White: Ohoho. Well, when the time comes, we’ll leave the drinking to the others and have fun eating sweets with the children. What’s most important is that we’re all gathered together!

Akira: Agreed! I just want to ask one more important question — what’s something you definitely don’t want to do?

White: ........

Akira: We’re all comrades. I want to make sure I don’t push you to do what you hate; I want to avoid a future you don’t desire.
So please tell me if anything comes to mind.

White: Can it be totally, utterly, completely personal?

Akira: Of course!

White: ........ No, never mind. It’s a little too totally utterly personal.

Akira: Don’t be shy.

White: No, it’s fine. This is where you ought to prioritize the living.

Akira: Ah......


CHAPTER 4

White shrugs and laughs.
The light of the setting sun dyes the room red and passes through the tips of his hair.
I can see his body floating, vaguely and transparently.
He is no longer a being of this world.


Option: I would still like to hear it.

White narrows his eyes and smiles.

White: You’re a kind child. Your feelings alone are enough. Thank you, Sage.


Option: What did you wish for when you were alive?

White averts his eyes, as if tracing the memories of a distant past.

White: I wonder.... I feel like I was so satisfied with my life that I desired nothing at all.
Perhaps that is why I felt such despair when it was all lost.....


White gazes out the window at the setting sun and smiles.

White: What a beautiful sunset.... Sage, would you like to go out on a secret date with me?

Akira: A date?

White: We’re going to fly through the sky to greet the night.

White stands up and takes me by the hand.
He tugs me along and I stand; before I know it, White has transformed into a young man.
A broom appears out of nowhere. With a composed expression, he says:

White: Shall we go then, Sage?

✦✧☾✧✦

(Woosh)

We fly through the setting sky on White’s broom.
The evening breeze is a perfect temperature. I marvel at how the world turns a smooth orange color.

Akira: It’s beautiful.....

White: Isn’t it? No matter what not-so-fun things happen that day, the world always looks beautiful from above.
And that is why, no matter how much I loathe it, I fall in love with it over and over again.

I try to catch a glimpse of White’s expression. I want to know what he looks like right now.
Because I feel like he is talking about Snow. I recall what Snow told me about White’s death.
White was killed at Snow’s hands.


CHAPTER 5

White suddenly turns to look at me and laughs.
His broom picks up speed as we fly through the sky.

White: It’s a date with a ghost! Isn’t this fun?

Akira: ....I-I’m a little scared of how fast we’re going.....

White: It’s not scary at all. Look. Neither the vermillion clouds nor the wind are breaking into pieces.
That is how feeble I am.

White’s voice clouds over in an instant. He turns his head downward.
Worried, I whisper his name.

White: Why did I have to die? Was it — was my time together with Snow — something I desired that badly....?
Snow binds my soul to this world. If Snow no longer wished for me to be here, the thread sustaining my existence would break.

White narrows his eyes as if gazing into a bright light and laughs, self-deprecating.
I can’t explain it, but his expression is more youthful and vibrant than usual.

White: With one change of Snow’s heart, I would disappear. What a feeble existence I am. Even the clouds float through the sky with more freedom.

Akira: White.....

White: I’m heading home......

White mumbles in a sad, quiet voice.

White: ....I won’t attend the garden party either..... Don’t worry, it’s not your fault..... It’s just because of the sunset. My eyes are tired.
....Don’t tell Snow.... Please don’t say anything......

His lonely voice pains my heart. But I can’t say anything, because I don’t understand the cause of his sadness.
So I simply hold on tight to the back of his clothes.


CHAPTER 6

When we return to the magic headquarters, White immediately shuts himself away in his room.

Akira: (What should I do.... Did I say something wrong? Should I go ask Snow... But....)

Figaro: What’s wrong, Sir Sage?

Akira: Figaro.....

Figaro: The garden party is starting soon, right? I’m thinking of playing an instrument.... Woah.

I grab Figaro’s arm, cutting his sentence short.

Akira: Figaro. You’re close with White, right? I need to ask you a favor.

Figaro: A favor?

✦✧☾✧✦

Figaro: Sir White is feeling depressed....?

Akira: That’s right. And he doesn’t want to tell Snow.... Could you check in on him for me, Figaro?

Figaro: No way. Even I don’t know how to deal with a depressed Sir White.
It probably has to do with Sir Snow. What were you talking about when he got all sad?

Akira: He said that if Snow had a change of heart, he would no longer exist in this world.....

Figaro: Ah.... Well, nothing we can do about that. They were the ones who tried to kill each other.

Akira: You talk about it as casually as the weather.....

Figaro: I’m saying there’s no use regretting what’s done. Listen, even I was shocked by the incident. Oz was depressed as well.
I didn’t believe in eternal love to begin with, but thanks to their tragic ending, I feel like I truly never will be able to believe in eternal love.
I thought they would be together forever, even if the universe turned upside down.... I didn’t want to lose any more hope in this world.

In that moment, the door opens.
We look up to see a gloomy White standing there.

White: .....Both of you, come inside.

Akira: White... Are you sure....?

Figaro: I think I’ll pass on that offer. I don’t want to get stuck between you and Sir Snow, Sir White.....

White: << Noscomnia >>

Akira & Figaro: Woah....!

We’re dragged into White’s room by the power of magic.


CHAPTER 7

Akira: Th-that surprised me....

Figaro: Ouch..... Geez, what is it, Sir White?

After dragging us into his room, White hugs the cushion tight with a serious expression.

White: To be honest... There’s something that’s been bothering me all these years.

Akira: Something that’s been bothering you?

White nods timidly. Figaro has been acting like this is a pain, but he sits up straight, ready to listen.

Figaro: What kind of problem is it?

White: Am I... Truly myself?

Figaro: .....Didn’t we get a little too deep?

White glares at Figaro, and leans forward with the cushion still in his arms.

White: Quit with the wisecracks. Am I truly White’s ghost? How do we know I’m not an illusion created by Snow?

Figaro and I look at each other.

White: Knowing Snow’s magical power, it’s quite possible for him to create a sentient being that is identical to White.
Am I truly thinking with my own mind as I speak....? Or am I just Snow’s duplicate....?

Figaro: What are you saying all of a sudden?

White: Because when Sage asked me what I never wanted to do.....

White’s breath shakes, ever-so-slightly.
His eyes turn red and grow miserably damp. The tears fall one after another.
I swallow my breath in surprise. Figaro also doesn’t know what to do.

Figaro: Hey now, Sir White.....

White: What I don’t want is to be separated from Snow.
So long as I could be with Snow, I didn’t mind if I turned to stone at any time. But Snow wished for something else.
He said he wanted to experience loneliness, and tried to leave me behind after spending his whole life with me. And that was why I tried to kill Snow with my own hands.

Figaro: ....But he killed you in self-defense, and in the end, you were the one who died.
So, to put it simply, a pair of close twins turned into a pair of twins who tried to kill each other, and in the end, one of them became a ghost.


CHAPTER 8

Figaro: So, to put it simply, a pair of close twins turned into a pair of twins who tried to kill each other, and in the end, one of them became a ghost.

White bitterly closes his eyes. Giant teardrops spill from his eyes.
Alarmed, I tug at Figaro’s sleeve.

Akira: Hey, that was a little too blunt.

Figaro: But....

The truth told from White’s perspective is the same as what I’d heard from Snow.
Snow tried to separate himself from White, and White was driven into a frenzy and tried to kill Snow. But at the end of their battle, White was the one who died.
When White died, Snow realized there was nothing more important in this world than White, and tied his soul to this world.

White: My worst fear came true.... The one thing I never wanted to happen happened. There’s no way I can forgive Snow.
That’s why the White who forgives Snow must be an imposter. I can’t be White’s soul..... I should curse Snow to death!

Figaro: Please calm down, Sir White.....

White: ...I am calm!!

Akira: P-please don’t cry.... It’s my fault for asking an insensitive question.

White: Sage, it’s not your fault. I know. I know that it’s not Snow’s fault either.....

White wipes his tears and clings to me.
I feel no warmth from his body.
But I still feel like I’m holding a lost, crying child in my arms.

White: We are twins. Even our hearts are mirror images of each other.
When that man asked, "Have you never questioned not experiencing loneliness till the day you die?" Snow became a prisoner of solitude.
But if he had asked me instead, I would have been the prisoner of solitude.
Then Snow would have become obsessed with me, and Snow would have tried to kill me.... That’s just how it is. I understand.
I understand, but I can’t stop my tears from overflowing when I think about our separation.


CHAPTER 9

White: The days I spent with Snow were beautiful. We were satisfied just by having each other. Loneliness never gnawed away at our souls the way it does for other wizards.
I thought that we could have the same kind of... I thought we could have a more beautiful good-bye, like the kinds you see in fairy tales.....

White keeps crying into my chest, which grows damp with tears.
Figaro sighs and smiles bitterly.

Figaro: That’s just how it is with love. It’s beautiful and terrible.

White: Don’t talk like you understand anything.... You don’t even know what true love is......

Figaro: That’s why I’m jealous, you see. I think it’s fine. It’s a dramatic, endearing, loose-ended story.
That’s much more worth reading than a pretty story about two twins who get along from beginning to end.

(Rustle)

Figaro pats White on the head. White bites his lip and looks up at me, holding back his tears.

White: Do you think so too....?

I laugh and nod earnestly.

Akira: I do. We all have our disagreements. For you and Snow, it just happened to....

Figaro: Come at the end of your life, and more dramatically than most.

Akira: I think you two are lovely. Snow loves White, and White loves Snow, right?

White: I love him.


CHAPTER 10

White nods earnestly. Then he asks me the same question again.

White: Sage. Do you think I am the real White?


Option: I think you’re real.

Akira: You’re not an illusion. I think you’re feeling so troubled because you are the real White.

White: I see....

White smiles, as if relieved.


Option: I don’t know.....

Akira: I don’t know.... Because I don’t understand everything about how magic works, but......
But regardless of whether I’m speaking to White’s ghost, or to an unconscious illusion created by Snow....
I love you.

White: ....I see.

White smiles with his brows turned downwards.


The next moment, we hear a knock at the door.

Snow: Sage! White! The moon is out! It’s a beautiful moon!

It’s Snow.
White whispers into my ear.

White: ...We are twins. Snow knows that I am crying. That’s why he won’t open the door.

White sounds like he’s pouting. I try to cover for Snow and peer into White’s face.
But White is smiling. His eyes are filled with love; he looks like he’s saying, fine, fine.
And my heart fills with love for him.

Snow: Come now, what are you doing? Let’s begin the garden party! There’s lots of delicious food!

White: I’ll be right there; wait for me!

White wipes his tears and laughs while getting ready.

Snow: Aren’t you looking forward to it?

White: I am looking forward to it!

Figaro and I look at each other and smile.
White opens the door with a bright smile.
And the twins run forward, side by side, as they always do.